how colossians 3 kicked my butt.

Friday morning I'm laying in bed trying to figure out how much longer I can sleep before I absolutely have to get out of bed for class, (which is at 11... dont judge me) when one of my very good, God-given friends texted me asking me if I had a second to talk. So, still sleepy eyed and delusional, I said sure. She called me not even moments later to invite me on a women's retread. And I said yes. Mostly because I just felt like this was a "God thing" and I should probably go.

Now if you know me really well, you should know this about me... I am a true cynic at heart. Now, I would go into all of the things that I think are dumb, but I wont do that. My opinion on Christian bookstores and bible covers does not really matter in the grand scheme of life. But I will say, for some reason, I think women's retreats run right along the same lines as those little shepherd and sheep figurines. I think they are soooooooo cheesy. Now, this opinion comes from watching any televangelist on sunday morning tv. The whole, "let's get together, say some corny almost biblical stuff, and cry with a bunch of older women" really isn't my thing.

But God shut me up real quick. I do not know why I told my dear friend Brittany that I would drive up to New Jersey, go to a women's retreat of a church where I know no one, and stay for pretty much an entire weekend. But I did. And holy guacamole was it an unbelievably awesome weekend. (Moral of the story, don't knock it till ya try it)

So here is why this weekend was so significant. A couple days prior I called Brittany and shared some stuff that has been rotting my soul for months. And I thought maybe I was over it, maybe I had learned my lesson, and maybe I could start forgiving myself. But had I punished myself enough, yet?
Brit, being an amazing listener and friend, was very very honest with me. And I guess she felt the Spirit moving to ask me on this retreat.

The retreat was on Colossians 3:1-15. And it is about how, as someone who believes in the mercy and grace of God, how they should live their lives. It looks like a list of does and don'ts. But it is so much deeper than that. We are called to set our hearts and minds on Jesus. That is the only place where our lives will change. I have had so much guilt from things I've done in the past and I was masking it by acting like a good Christian. Threw myself into ministry, bible studies, volunteering at camps, reading and journaling, but I was just masking my guilt with Christian things. And I had no freaking idea!

Seriously, no idea. One time Jacqueline told me to stop trying and just be. And I literally could not comprehend what she was talking about. And now I get it. Just focus and relinquish control and just be. Just be.

I know this will take time and I will constantly have to remind myself that I can't do anything. It has already been done for me.

Anyway, I just thought I'd share that little nugget. I have been bursting at the seams wanting to talk to someone about it, so I figure, put it on social media and someone is bound to read it.