the worst week

Kind of ironic that I wrote about immediate satisfaction last week, and yet it was probably my first week of the year that I was the worst! I did not eat well last week AT ALL! Now, I could go on and on about all the things I ate and how many deliciously terrible beers that I had consumed. But, I will not! Instead, I am going to write about getting back on the saddle. 

Like I have said in previous posts, I have the hardest time forgiving myself. I make a mistake and I wallow in self-pity until I feel like I've suffered enough and I can accept grace. (Holy cow, that was honest). But it's true, that is my thing. And it is going to be such a hard habit to break. Harder than not smoking. Harder than not eating crappy foods. And harder than motivating myself to go to the gym. 

But you know the worst part about this habit is that it actually slaps Jesus in the face. It's basically me saying, "nope, you dying on a cross for my self satisfaction is not a real thing and I deserve to suffer for my mistakes". When all Jesus wants us to know is, "nope, I suffered on a cross so you would not have to wallow in self pity. So that you can stand up, brush yourself off, and trust me". 

So today, after a night where I are the most delicious chocolate eclair, I am heading to the gym for a good work out. Then I am going to church, to worship the God who calls me out of suffering and into His grace.