Top three

A good chunk of time certainly has flown by. Sorry for being MIA for a bit. 

I was in the midst of finals and wedding festivities that this thing sorta slipped to the wayside. 

Things on this end are alright though! My weight fluctuates like the Hoover Dam (I'm not totally sure that makes any sense...) but it's going! And my sisters wedding is in just a few short weeks.

But right now, I want to take time to talk about somethings I've been learning over these past couple months.

1. Hard work does pay off. 

For the first time in my life I got straight A's! I worked my butt off to do it, but it was so worth it. Also, I freaking love what I'm studying, so that definitely helps. Also for the first time I didn't quit or give in when things became difficult. I stuck with it and pushed through. Sought help when it was needed and prioritized my time. For those of you who knew me college, you would know this is a complete 180!

2. You are what you eat.

When I indulge in crappy food I feel crappy, I act crappy, I do crappy things, and I propel the crappy cycle. When I eat well, my body feels well, I make smarter decisions, and I desire to propel that cycle. Lots of beer and pizza makes me do dumb things. Though both delicious, I tend to feel like crap when I indulge in that. So, I am practicing healthier habits. Like not drinking during the week and avoiding late night snacking even when I am partaking in adult activities.

3. It's easier to see in the light.

This is the biggest and most important thing I have been learning. Recently I have decided to walk in the light with somethings I have kept buried for years. It is what propelled my self hatred, my guilt, and my shame. And as I have taken those steps to bring it to light and start to view it the way God views it, I am learning more and more how deeply loved I am. And that is HUGE. 

I guess that's it for now. Hopefully it won't be another 2 months before my next post! 

Hangry

Alrighty internet world. I have been avoiding you. But with a little encouragement from an old friend, I decided it is time to post something and to be honest. 

I was so confident when I started writing this blog. I didn't care who was going to read it. I didn't care if I repeated myself, or if all I ever talked about was Jesus. I didn't care if I posted about my defeats more than my triumphs.

Then I don't know what happened. I just got really self-conscious. People started reading and judging and I felt awkward being seen out in a restaurant, like people were always watching what I was eating. 

And that is fair, I put my crap out there in the open for people to see. I made myself available to judgement. And that's ok. That's on me. 

So here is the honest truth:

Sometimes we don't meet the goals we set for ourselves. Sometimes the things we are so passionate about can't motivate us enough to deny and obey. And that is the brokenness in us. I was hoping to be at a target weight today and I did not meet my goal by a good ten pounds. I saw it coming and instead of working really really hard this week, I just didn't. And I'm a little ashamed, honestly. This was a huge lofty goal and I quit more often then I stay disciplined. 

But, you know what? I am still proud of myself. I am actually eating better than I have ever in my life. I also feel better. 

So I tried that whole 30 thing for about 7 days. Hardest, most frustrating thing I've ever done in my life, and I was miserable. So I quit. Then I drank about 2 beers and felt like my stomach wanted to kill me. I realized that gluten legitimately is the devil and I will not be partaking (except cookies, because I love them). 

So I am working on it. It's been 4 months, I've lost 16 pounds. And I am creating healthy habits. 

And that's all I have to say about that.